Powerless
by vanessastroian
Summary: A filler scene based off the shooting in 9x10 'Authority Figures'. Parallel from 5x15. Hope you enjoy. Ps. This is my first story and i wrote it in like an hour so please don't come for me if it's bad skskksks.


**Powerless**

 **A filler scene from 9x10 set in their apartment after the shooting.**

Jamie entered the apartment carrying a pizza in one hand and his keys in the other. Eddie looked around and smiled softly at him.

"Hey" she said quietly whilst turning back to watch the tv.

"Hey, are you okay?" he replied whilst placing the pizza on the kitchen counter.

Eddie looked down, she knew she couldn't look him in the eye because Jamie would know straight away that she was lying. She sometimes hated that Jamie knew everything about her, even the smallest of details. But at the same time, it was one of the many reasons she loved him.

"I'm fine" she said in a sort of whisper hoping that Jamie wouldn't grill her on what was wrong. Jamie knew she wasn't fine, but he knew it would end badly if he pushed it too far, so he went and sat down next to her and interlocked his fingers in hers.

"Do you wanna talk about what happened today?" he asked hoping she wouldn't snap at him.

"There's not much to talk about." She answered coldly.

"I saw the way Maya was watching us today after you kinda panicked. I'm pretty sure she knows about us you know." Jamie admitted.

"She asked how long we've been sleeping together earlier today" Eddie said while letting out a soft laugh still avoiding looking Jamie in the eye.

"She did? And what did you tell her?" Jamie asked letting out a little chuckle.

"I…kinda snapped at her" Eddie replied with a guilty look.

"How can you snap at her when it's the truth?" Jamie asked quizzically.

"I don't know… I just wasn't ready to tell her about us. I still don't know if I can trust her and I don't know how she's gonna react to the news. I don't know her well enough yet" Eddie explained.

"That makes sense. We can tell her whenever you're ready" Jamie said reassuringly whilst rubbing his thumb across her knuckles. Eddie smiled up at him and then continued to glance down at their hands. Jamie knew that there was a reason Eddie was acting like she did, so he decided to break the comforting silence.

"I know you might not wanna talk about this, but I think we need to" Eddie looked up at him with a puzzled look. "When you came to the scene to check if I was okay…I could see the fear in your eyes." Eddie looked back down, knowing where this was going. "I know it's hard to keep calm in times like that and believe me, you're way better at it than me, but you just gotta be careful that no one else sees little moments like that otherwise everyone in the precinct is gonna know about us." Jamie took a deep breath not knowing how Eddie was going to react. Finally, Eddie nodded in agreement.

"I know, and I had to try so hard to fight back those tears. Do you understand how scary it is to hear there have been shots fired and to know that it could be the love of your life? Your whole life with them flashes before your eyes. You start to zone out from the real world and feel dizzy. I felt like I couldn't breathe. I felt…powerless. Do you know what that feels like?" Tears started to form in her eyes and she knew it was only a matter of time before they were going to fall down her face. Jamie looked at her and tightened his grip round her hand.

"Eddie, seeing you get shot was probably the hardest thing I've ever had to go through. I still get flashbacks to this day" Eddie looked up shocked and rubbed her hand up and down his arm. "In those few moments when I didn't know if you'd been hit in the vest or if you were gonna bleed out…" Jamie paused for a moment, so he could pull himself together. "We weren't even together then and it destroyed me so yes. I do know how it feels to be powerless" Jamie looked down whilst a tear fell from Eddie's cheek.

"Now that we aren't riding together, I worry every day you're on the streets. I worry that your partner isn't gonna have your six. That you're gonna be outnumbered. That I won't get there in time and when I do get there, it will be too late" Eddie trailed off trying to frantically wipe the tears that were streaming down her face. Jamie put his arm round her and pull her close to him whilst stroking her back.

"Eddie, I'm okay. I can't guarantee that I'm always gonna be okay and you know that. But what I can guarantee is that I love you more than I've ever loved anyone and not a moment goes by, on and off the job, where I'm not thinking about you." Jamie was never really one to express how he was feeling, not even with the love of his life, so this was kind of a big deal. Eddie quickly pulled away from him with a surprised look and placed her hand on his face while gently stroking his cheek with her thumb.

"Jamie, I love you so much. I know you can't promise me that you're gonna be okay and I understand that. I can't either. But sometimes I get scared that the universe is gonna take away the best thing that's ever happened to me" Jamie couldn't help but smile at what Eddie had just said. He felt so incredibly lucky to have her in his life.

"You can't think like that babe. You're gonna end up destroying yourself. What we have now is this…big, beautiful love and we have to celebrate that and not think about what might happen. If we spend all our time worrying, we will miss all the good bits" Jamie explained even though he knew how difficult that would be.

"I know. How about we make a pact to live in the present and not worry about what the future holds" Eddie said whilst finally managing to compose herself.

"You have yourself a deal" Jamie replied. Eddie lay back down on top of Jamie with her hand rested on his chest watching her hand rise and fall to the rhythm of Jamie's breathing whilst Jamie returned to stroking her back. They lay they in silence for a moment until Jamie said, "You're my everything, you know that?"

"and you're my entire world" Eddie whispered. Jamie kissed the top of her head and then rested his head on top of hers. There they lay for the whole night, safe in each other's arms, living in the present, not wanting to move out of each other's grip. Two people who were so powerless over the fate of the other, yet their love was oh so powerful.


End file.
